Single Mom Dating: WHEN To Introduce That Guy To The Kids
Brooke has been there. "In the past, I have dated guys who I thought were really great guys...but for one reason or the other, they didn’t work out and I would be left with a heaping mound of guilt for ever introducing my daughter to them in the first place."
One of the most important things is to communicate openly. It's OK to tell him your reasons for waiting, and your goal of protecting the kids. "Be honest with him and ask him to be honest with you."
So-through her personal experience-Brooke offers these 8 basic flash points for single moms everywhere.
Make it CLEAR from the start.
If you are dating to marry, make it CLEAR that your children are top priority right now. Make him fully aware of what he is getting into as far as dynamics of parenting, co-parenting, your ideas of how to raise a child, the reality of how much free time you’ll actually have, etc.
Talk about your child to him and see how he reacts.
If he’s interested in knowing more about them, that’s a good sign! The more interest a guy shows in my kid, the more comfortable I am in knowing his intentions.
Wait longer than sooner.
I know the beginning phases of dating are fun and exciting and you automatically want to think they are THE ONE. But it takes a while to really get to know someone. Have a few disagreements before letting them meet the kids. I always like to think that how a couple handles disagreements are a good deciding factor for if it will last or not.
Wait until you are 100% about him.
If you are having any doubts about him or the relationship, wait until you’re sure. And vice versa! If he’s showing doubts or you feel like he’s holding back, wait.
Does he make the effort to show he’s committed to you AND the kids?
If guys are in, they will find ways to make sure you KNOW they’re in. If you have to question whether he’s serious about you AND your kids, then he’s not serious. You should never have to question it. They will find a way to make it known.
See if he’s willing to wait
Letting the guy know that you will wait as long as it takes until you are ready is so important and a great gauge to see if he’s willing to wait it out or not. (Weeks, months or even a year-if necessary.) If he’s the right one, he’ll know that a few months (or more) is nothing compared to a lifetime spent with you.
FaceTime! (It's an awesome pre-introduction)
If you feel like you’re almost ready, FaceTime is a good way for them to “meet” and see how they interact without them actually meeting in person.
Meet in a public place first.
When you are ready, set up a time to have them meet somewhere outside of the home, like the park. Your home with your kids is a safe space and you don’t want to bring in a complete stranger who could potentially make them feel uncomfortable. Even if you are comfortable with your guy, they may not be. Let them warm up to each other elsewhere before bringing the guy into the home.
I like the way Brooke saved the best wisdom at the end.
"These beginning phases of dating are only temporary. SO temporary on a scale of now until forever. Be sure of yourself before jumping the gun. If it’s meant to be, waiting won’t seem so bad."