"The Friend Zone"-What It Means
Most relationships begin with friendship, but one person in "the zone" wants to take the relationship to a romantic level. In a majority of these cases, the other person is not even aware of the smitten person's desires.
While most all relationships possess evidence of "give and take," this circumstance usually involves one who "out-gives" the other because of their feelings. Deep down, they want to demonstrate romantic desires for the other by going the extra mile. Surely they will notice it, right? Not necessarily. When that method is not working, the one who's fallen for the other may find themselves "stuck." Many of those with these stay the "just friends" course out of fear of rejection, OR they become frustrated to the point of abruptly spilling it; confessing their true feelings. They know the risk, as this could come as a total shock to the other friend, and scare them away.
Psychologist and relationship Dr. Jeremy Nicholson says there are some other approaches that are less risky.
1. Pull back.
All deep relationships have degrees of negotiating that goes on. Dr. Jeremy adds, "being 'needy' is no way to negotiate. Desperate people end up with what others give them, not what they want." If that other person gets the vibe (and many will) that the one hiding a crush could be moving away away from their friendship closeness, they will most likely "feel the loss." Nicholson adds, "people value more what they think they might lose."
2. Competition For Time.
Make it a point to expand your social network; especially new "friends" of the opposite sex you find attractive. Then, when asked, let the target of your desires know what's going on. (Be careful not to over-sell it...there is a chance they will see this as insincere). This is an explanation as to WHY you are spending less time with them (step one). "If you are 'busy' with other people, you might just find your friend a bit more eager and motivated for your time and attention," Nicholson says.
But WAIT, there's more! Dr. Nicholson offers some other steps.
3. Get THEM to invest in you...
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4. Award THEIR behavior that allows you both to get closer.