Talking about my mental illness can be hard. I’m scared of being judged and rejected. I’m scared of the stigma surrounding mental illness. My experiences in the past have seemingly convinced me to keep my feelings to myself. When you share it with the wrong people, it doesn’t always work out the way you want it to. It takes a lot of trust and honesty to talk about myself even with those who are closest to me.
I have depression and anxiety. I often lay at home on the couch, in the dark, staring at the ceiling, and just think. Mind racing, dark sad thoughts go through my head, and I can’t seem to stop them. I cry, a lot. Memories of happier times haunt me, and I beg for them to come back.
My depression has changed my life. It has impacted my relationships, friendships, how I act, how I think and how I interact with others. It tells me not to engage in conversation and not to talk about myself. It tells me no one wants to hear it because no one cares.
It wasn’t until quite recently that I have decided to seek help from others and open up about my mental illness. I have started taking medications and have been talking to counseling professionals. This was the best decision I have ever made. I have learned a lot in the past few months, and I feel as though I am slowly making progress. But, I promise you I will win.
Friend, I am telling you this so maybe you can attempt to understand me better, think about what it’s like for me to live like this and maybe even relate to it. I want you to know the true me, who I am, my bright, energetic personality, which I know is inside me somewhere. I hope we can use each other for support and a shoulder to cry on when needed. Thank you for sticking by me even when I push you away or seem distant. Thank you for being one with whom I can have fun and enjoy myself; even if only for a little while. I am genuinely glad to have you as my friend.
The girl who is finding herself again