Appropriate Crime Sentence Ideas For In-Store Blue Bell Carton Lickers

The stunt started in early summer, and it was long before there were about a half-dozen or so Blue Bell copy-lick crimes committed. It all began with a Texas teenager in a convenience store in late June. The "Lufkin Licker" video went viral, although the crime of criminal mischief came with no charges.

Other must have thought they could become famous like she did. About a week later, a mouth-to-tub procedure was performed on Blue Bell in Belle Rose. Thirty-six year-old Lenise Martin III added a finger dip to his in-store lick, and was taken into custody by the Assumption Parish Sheriff's Office. He was charged and booked into Assumption Parish Jail. You would think that this kind of behavior would stop. It didn't.


A week and a half ago in Port Arthur, Texas, 24-year-old D'Adrien Anderson was seen on video licking a tub of Blue Bell at a Walmart. He was charged with criminal mischief and booked into the County Correctional Facility. Turns out, he was able to post a $1,000 bond. He should have used that money for a 10 year supply of Blue Bell. Then, he could have legally licked that problem.


With all of these crimes against ice cream, I came up with several punishments a judge should consider for sentencing. Many of these punishments are in “bad taste," but I feel appropriate, given the severeness of the crime. I’m talking some jail time with a special daily menu.

Kale shakes with no sugar.

Cherry jello

Crawfish gumbo imported from Seattle.

Cillantro (It’s grandma approved, since many say it tastes like soap.)

Melted black licorice

Brussells sprouts topped with baking soda

Oatmeal with mustard

Canned asparagus with mayo.

Generic ice cream with radishes and broccoli.

Artichoke buttermilk.

That’s just for starters. Anything else we should consider?

Scotty Mac

Scotty Mac

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