Top Reasons Why Good Men Mysteriously Run Away From A Good Relationship.
You finally find a guy that has everything you're looking for. Sensitive. Attractive. Great sense of humor. AND he seems to really care about you and the relationship. You sense his feelings toward you are growing deeper, then-BOOM. He disappears. Wait, hold up. You're not clingy. In fact, you're happy, attractive, strong and confident. What the heck?
It's not just the hurt of a breakup (or in this case breakaway), it's the agony of not knowing why. You might even catch yourself going through the mental cycle of speculation; playing out scenarios in your mind. Then, you attempt to reach out to him to ask about his reasons. No answer on the cell. Or office phone. And if he finally responds to your 10th text message, he keeps it short and vague. You still have no clear answers. Which makes the pain worse.
To be fair, the breakup disappearance mystery can be caused by women also. But with men, the breakup scales are titled way over to their side. So-as a result of my mini-focus group of 4 guys (and myself) here are some common reasons men run, and some words of advice to avoid the male fly away.
1. He thinks you’re too strong and successful. The irony here is that you knew he was attracted to women of strength. He told you that. However, as your relationship grew, he possibly may have felt a bit out of your confidence league because you show a higher level than that of his. Some women might say that’s intimidation, but the men I talked to said it was more like an unequal status thing that could cause a breakup down the road. They don’t want that pain, so they run.
2. He thinks you’re too independent. This is a first cousin to #1 above. Again, this may not be intimidation as much as it is fear. Or a feeling of inferiority. Your guy perceives you have it all together, and he doesn’t. That would make him potentially expendable down the road for a new man to replace you, or just a decision you make to go solo without anyone else.
3. He is afraid of not reaching your expectations financially. Many strong women are also financially well off. Most men can tell if they can “afford” certain women; even if the woman is perfectly capable to get the things they want because of a nice income. Your man might see you as someone who will judge their lesser pay and/or lack of ambition; then later, use that fact to change his status to match your own.
4. He thinks there are too many differences. This one can be missed, since most strong women who are also successful embrace differences and opinions; while standing firm to their own belief system. Your man’s perception might be you are holding on to your own personal beliefs too tightly, with no chance of changing your mind. He may even think you will want to change how he feels and what he believes.
5. He may not be interested in any long-term relationship; even though he may have told you otherwise. And it’s not just the notion your man is looking for a fling thing. He may like the relationship status quo, so he can stay in his comfort zone. This one can be missed by even strong, intuitive women, since – in their heart – this guy had all the boxes checked with what they were looking for. In this case, you may not see this writing on the wall.
6. He doesn’t want to be the bad guy in the breakup. You might be disappointed to learn he just couldn’t man up and speak up. Many men do not like prospect of conflict or confrontation; particularly with strong women who express themselves very well.Your man may not want the point-counterpoint discussion about how you feel. It’s just easier to disappear and avoid “the talk” at all.
7. His friends and/or family are throwing you under the bus. This is especially true if you’ve been into the relationship for a few months, and introductions are being made. Your strength and confidence may be a level that is intimidating to them, and they infer-or say outright to you-this is not a relationship that should be pursued. In their mind, this is not a good match.Or one that could move you away from them. Your friends or family members might even use falsehoods to steer him away from you.
8. He is still dealing with the pain of a previous relationship. Comparisons of a previous woman to you are not fair. But it happens. It might be something you say that triggers the “she’s just like her” thought in his head. But he won’t say it, and really the only way you can know it is if you can read his mind. There might even deep feelings for an ex that are still there, even if you don’t see any evidence of it, and he won’t admit it.
9. He thinks your speech is too blunt or opinionated. Even if you don’t see it, he does. In his mind, you may have too much strength and confidence in your speech. Even if he agrees with your opinion. It’s not so much WHAT you saying, but HOW you’re saying it.
10. He doesn’t trust you. Whether it’s paranoia, or a misunderstanding, he has come to this rather dangerous conclusion. Your man might get suspicious with your girls night out. Or, he might perceive a professional business relationship with another man is a sign of mistrust, especially if it’s a friendly encounter.You know that’s just business. He thinks it’s something else. And a threat down the road.
WHAT’S A STRONG WOMAN TO DO? Before things get too far along in this growing relationship, put your heart on the table. COMMUNICATE! And in that, be venerable, honest and straightforward. You should tell him the great value you place on your relationship with HIM, and how wonderful it is. Admit there can be things that you both can misunderstand down the road, and your desire is to eliminate those as much as possible.
I would also recommend you to subtly mention some common misunderstandings that happen with couples, as perhaps mentioned above. Communicate how you care to learn his innermost feelings, and that with you he has a totally judgement-free and safe zone in expressing them. Where applicable, you can explain you’ve been holding back on the three little words, so as not to scare him off. He's that valuable to you. Tell him. You want a future with him, and not just on your terms.
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