It’s been about a year and half since my mom has passed, and the pain of losing her is still with me. Every day. Many of you totally relate with empathy. Right there with you. Now that we’re closing in on Mother’s Day, those heart-warming commercials remind us even more of the loss we feel. Miss Ruth loved those chocolate-covered strawberries I ordered. Flowers. Blouses. Necklaces. Come to think about it, I could have given her a plastic ring from Chuck E Cheese, and she would have loved it. That was just her way.
If you’re thinking back on the ways your mom showed her love to you, and feeling the grief as you do, I found some excellent thoughts from writer Dara Shurtz. She lost her mom almost 20 years ago, and she still feels that loss deeply. Go get a box of tissue. Here are some excerpts.
I know there’s nothing I can say to make your Mom come back. What I can do, is give you some tips that have helped me over the years.I hope this will assist you in making Mother’s Day less about your loss, and more about your memories.
Do Something She Loved. Was there something your Mom especially enjoyed doing? Think about something she adored and go and do it yourself. If she loved gardening, buy some plants and plant them in your yard. If she preferred to bake, make one of her favorite recipes. Doing something your Mom relished doing is a way for you to bring her into your day.
Write Her A Card. Have you ever gone past the Mother’s Day cards and wished you could buy one for your Mom? I have, and I suspect many of you have also. It’s normal. You don’t necessarily have to buy a card, but get a piece of paper and write a card to your Mom. Tell her everything you wish you could tell her. Write about your life. Share what you would share. It might make you feel a little sad, but it will also make you feel good. Don’t hold back. Tell her everything you want her to know. You can keep the card or throw it away. Once I wrote my Mom a long letter, put it into a bottle, and tossed it into the ocean. Don’t judge. It made me feel better, and that was the point.
Visit Her. You can always go to the cemetery or place where her remains were put to rest, and visit her. This can be comforting, and help you feel closer to her. Just sitting by her stone and talking can help you feel like you’re doing something with her. Take flowers, a special rock, or something you want to leave there as a way to mark your visit.
Go Easy On Yourself. Whatever you decide to do, go easy on yourself. It’s a hard day for those of us who have lost our Mom. It’s normal to feel a little sad. Surround yourself with people who love and care about you, and who understand how hard the day is for you. Whatever you do, don’t feel badly about feeling a little sad and missing your Mom. Of course you’re going to miss her on Mother’s Day.
Not a day goes by that I don’t think of my Mom. I will always miss her. But, I know she is forever with me, wrapping me in her love, whispering advice and watching over me. I hope my daughters will feel the same from me one day, when I’m not here.
Dara is a writer and founder of Crazy Perfect Life. You can follow her on social media on the Crazy Perfect Life Facebook page.