The signs your friends are jealous of you can make it incredibly apparent that there’s an issue. A lot of times the way friends act when they’re jealous can make you feel downright horrible. Many times, it is a subtle thing, and you cannot quite see it. So here’s some help in recognizing it, and some quick and easy way to fix the problem and, in turn, perhaps even better the friendships. First, let’s start with the common themes:
1. They Say Situations Are “Unfair”
Do they mention you have certain things and they don’t? This could relate to a job, a significant other, or material things like a nice car. In a Psychology Today piece, Suzanne Degges-White Ph.D. discussed the notion of jealously, and said to pay attention to whether you notice a pattern where people are always referencing this “unfairness.” Many times those who use this term often are blaming outside circumstances for why they can’t achieve what a friend can.
2. They’re Always Super Competitive
A little competition can be a good thing, but too much could very well be a sign your friends are seeing green. According to SheKnows.com, not only does excessive competitiveness go hand-in-hand with jealously, it can also be a sign the friendships are overall toxic.
3. They’re Also Always Super Negative
You tell your friends that you got a promotion, and somehow you’re met with negativity over the achievement. How could this possibly be? According to the Udemy online education blog, many times someone who is jealous will act in this way, and put you down with words like, “… well it wasn’t like there was anyone else up for the promotion anyway.” Watch for that underlying bit of negativity, and take it as a hint.
4. They Need To Upstage You
OK, so let’s build on that promotion example for a second. If you’re dealing with jealous friends, they might first hit you with that negativity we talked about, and then they might transition right into comments that manage to upstage your achievement. According to MadameNoire.com, jealous friends often take what you’ve achieved or gotten, and talk about how they’ve gotten something bigger and better.
5. They're Very Insecure
Behind every jealous person might just be some of their own insecurities. Are your friends the insecure type? Scott Bea, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at the Cleveland Clinic, spoke to Huffington Post about jealously, and noted those who are comfortable with themselves and have a strong sense of self-esteem tend to be less jealous of those around them. Oppositely, if you notice your friends are not secure in who they are, you might find them more likely to rear the inner green-eyed monster.
6. They Bring You Down At Every Turn
Let’s say you choose to go on vacation with your husband and leave your toddler at home with grandma. Instead of being excited for you that you’re getting some much-needed time away, your friends make you feel guilty for not brining your toddler with you. They might say things like, “That vacation sounds fun, but if I were you, I would have definitely brought my son.” If it seems like no matter what you do your friends are always dragging your decisions through the mud, this could be another sign they’re flat out jealous, according to Brett Blumenthal, change and wellbeing speaker and author of 52 Small Changes for the Mind.
10. They Are Always Discouraging
You want the people around you to be encouraging, not discouraging, right? Well, with jealous friends they’re often the latter, according to Blumenthal. Blumenthal wrote that jealous people are likely to focus on telling you why you can’t do something, versus telling you why you can.
11. They Don’t Support You At All
A final sneaky sign of jealousy in friends is that they are not supportive of you, according to YogaAnonymous.com. Really in need of a listening ear, but every time you can’t track down your friends at all? It’s not just about them being discouraging of your goals and wants, like be discussed above — it’s also about them not being there for you at all. The outlet said a true friend will want you to succeed and to be happy… and they’ll be there for you, too.
But there’s hope! According to the Udemy blog, jealously does not always have to mean a friendship is over. There's a way around the issue, and it involves being open and honest with the friends you believe to be jealous. Udemy said bringing the issue to the table with them — and explaining why it makes you upset — is the way to makes strides towards rectifying the problem. By bringing it to light, your friends might begin to think twice before making comments and acting in ways that leave you feeling badly and torn down. If the signs of jealous friends seem to hit home hard for you, it might be time to take action. Just remember to be candid with them, and you can start making moves to diminish the issue, and in turn, better the friendships.