Writer Elizabeth Enochs has been there where you might be. She says, “deep down, I think anyone who has found themselves in a toxic relationship knows. ..” Choosing to ignore or deny the signs that your relationship has become toxic, or giving your partner unlimited chances to start treating you better, can seem like a solution. But it’s not. Your close friends may even tell you to get the heck out of there, but you have that denial thing going on. See here it is in writing:
- You Feel Like You Can't Be Totally Yourself Around Them. Either because your partner will make fun of you, or they make you feel like you need to adjust your personality to make them happy. Your partner is supposed to be someone you can be 100 percent yourself around, so if that's not the case, something is very wrong.
- They Refuse To Take Responsibility For Their Actions. Quick question list: Do they never admit to being wrong? Do they apologize for their role in any of your fights? Do they take responsibility for the ways they've messed up their life outside of your relationship? If the answers are no, don't waste your valuable emotional energy on them.
- They Refuse To Talk About Tough Topics & Get Angry When You Try To. Part of being in a serious, long-term relationship is being able to talk about difficult topics with your partner. If you two are going to continue sharing a life, then you have to be able to problem-solve together.
- When You Finally Get Them To Talk About Difficult Topics, It's Never Face-To-Face. If your partner is only willing to discuss the tough stuff or apologize for their toxic behavior via texting, notes, or Facebook messenger, then you're in a toxic relationship. Alternatively, if you only feel safe talking about your relationship concerns with your partner when the two of you aren't in the same room, you should know that's not healthy, either.
- They Put You Down. If your partner constantly makes fun of you, your body, your job, your opinions, how you walk, how you have sex, how you talk, or really anything else that’s personal to you, this is another sign. This one can be a little tricky to acknowledge, because your partner excuses their behavior by saying things like, "I was just messing with you," or, "you're being too sensitive."
- They Resist Change & Try To Hold You Back. You and your partner should be able to grow with each other, support each others’ goals, and not freak out super hard whenever life presents you with change. If your partner resists change, doesn't support your personal and/or professional growth, and actively tries to discourage you from becoming the person you want to be, then they're toxic.
- They've Become More Possessive. While it can be to feel a little bit jealous/possessive in relationships in the beginning, these feelings of possessiveness should become less prominent the longer you're together. Over time, you and your partner should begin to trust each other more, and feel more secure in your relationship in general. So, if you've noticed that your partner is more possessive than ever, your relationship has become toxic.
- They Keep Getting More Intense — And Not In A Good Way. If it feels like you and your partner are almost constantly fighting and then making up, that's toxic. All relationships have ups and downs, but no healthy relationship should be in a constant state of upheaval. This can lead to more intense encounters, and possible physical abuse.
Take it from someone who's been there: toxic people will not change for you, and you shouldn't waste your time hoping they will. Even if you don't think your relationship is abusive, you feel like you need help getting out or figuring out what to do next. Please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233. You're not alone.