This is the 1st Mother’s Day without my Mom.
I had always heard from friends and relatives in past years that said Mother’s Day is tough for them…I had sympathy, but up until this year, I did not have actual EMPATHY. I do now.
What I’m finding out is that those same people whom I encouraged are now supporting and encouraging me. They tell me from their experience time does help, and it gets easier as the years pass by. But, it doesn’t change the fact that she isn’t here.
The pain and sadness feel more heightened on the days leading up to Mother’s Day with the ads, gift displays in stores, and people talking about their moms on Facebook. Listen, I communicate for a living, and even I have a hard time expressing my emotions.
THEN, I ran cross this from writer Dara Kurtz. She has some pretty awesome ways to navigate those waters of grief and loss. Here are her Top 4.
1. Do Something She Loved.
Was there something your Mom especially enjoyed doing? It doesn’t matter what it was, try to come up with something she adored and go and do it yourself. If she loved gardening, buy some plants and plant them in your yard in her memory. If she preferred to bake, make one of her favorite recipes. If she liked to hike, go take a long walk and think about her. Doing something your Mom relished doing is a way for you to bring her into your day.
2. Write Her A Card
This week at the Hallmark store, I saw all the Mother’s Day cards and wished I could by one for my mom… It’s normal. Dara says..You don’t necessarily have to buy a card, but get a piece of paper and write a card to your Mom. Tell her everything you wish you could tell her. Write about your life. Share what you would share. It might make you feel a little sad, but it will also make you feel good. Don’t hold back. Tell her everything you want her to know. You can keep the card or throw it away.
3. Visit Her
You can always go to the cemetery or place where her remains were put to rest, and visit her. This can be comforting, and help you feel closer to her. Just sitting by her stone and talking can help you feel like you’re doing something with her. Take flowers, a special rock, or something you want to leave there as a way to mark your visit.
4. Go Easy On Yourself
Whatever you decide to do, go easy on yourself. It’s a hard day for those of us who have lost our Mom. It’s normal to feel a little sad. Surround yourself with people who love and care about you, and who understand how hard the day is for you. Whatever you do, don’t feel badly about feeling a little sad and missing your Mom. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of my Mom. I will always miss her. But, I know she is forever with me, wrapping me in her love, whispering advice and watching over me. I hope my daughters will feel the same from me one day, when I’m not here.
Thank you Dara for sharing your heart in Huffington Post.
Before I close out this blog, I wanted to leave you with the 11 life lessons "Miss Ruth" left me. There are actually MANY more, but these are the ones that stand out:
1. Love the Lord.
2. Love your spouse.
3. Be good parents; don’t try to be perfect.
4. Be gracious.
5. Save money.
6. Go to church together.
7. Pay attention and listen to your kids.
8. CHOOSE to be happy; and SMILE often.
9. Be content.
10. Be quick to care, and slow to criticize.
11. Play board games-like Chinese Checkers-so you can regularly score wins over your children. And she always did!
FINALLY, If your mom is still with you give her an extra hug to show her she is loved. You won't regret it. Happy Mother's Day!